If you ever find yourself here, reading these words, know this: nothing I write takes away from what we shared. Love, in all its forms, leaves fingerprints on the heart…each touch unique, each mark irreplaceable. What we had was real. It mattered. It still does.

But there was a moment, long before you, that altered the way I let love in. A single thread that unraveled something once whole, weaving itself into every love that followed. This is not about you. It’s about the shield I built, the weight I carried into each embrace, the quiet fear that turned soft petals into sharp blades.

I write to untangle the knots, to trace my way back to the girl who loved without armor, who raced through orchards with wind in her hair and wonder in her heart. This is my way of searching for her.

Please, do not mistake this for erasure or regret. I do not mean to hurt you. This is simply a practice in making peace with the past…so that one day, I may meet love again with open hands, not clenched fists.

I still hold love for most of my past lovers in one way or another. After all, they have each left an imprint on me, shaping who I am today. The painful moments weigh just as much as the beautiful ones. Love, loss, joy, heartbreak…all of it has been a teacher. And for that, I am thankful.

Lately, I’ve been thinking a lot about purpose, about life and death. I’ve found solace in Stoic philosophy, a steady guide that helps me see what truly matters and what doesn’t. Time is our most valuable currency, and none of us have as much of it as we think. So, I choose happiness. I choose to look forward. But I also choose to sit with discomfort, to reflect, to learn. Because I believe reflection is the key to internal peace.

So, in conclusion—thank you, past and future lovers. Thank you for the lessons, the laughter, the heartache, and the healing. May we continue to shape one another in ways that make this fleeting, fleshy experience all the more interesting.